Exclusive: “Don’t see playing a trans role as typecast”- Trinetra Haldar on representation
How did this project come about?
It was four to five months after Made in Heaven Season 2. Mukesh Chhabra’s office reached out, saying that they are casting for a transgender character and they thought I should audition for it.
Do you also feel that there’s a danger of the industry typecasting you in the trans role?
So far, it hasn’t happened. I have no problem playing trans parts, provided that those parts are diverse and have something unique to offer. In this industry, it is easy to get typecast. If you are from a film family, you’ll get typecast as a Gen Z star kid, and then that’s all you’re ever seen as. That’s even harder to deal with, because then how do you get rid of that? I don’t see playing a trans role as a typecast. I see that as just playing characters that share one attribute with me, my gender.
What were some of the similarities that you found with your character?
My character Aimee is nothing like me. The only thing that Aimee and Trinetra have in common is that we are transgender and have had certain dysfunctional relationships. I noticed that when I was saying my lines, I would speak in a heavier and deeper voice. I wasn’t trying to do it. But I realised that that was happening because perhaps when I navigate my life as Trinetra, I have learned to talk and walk and behave a certain way, with a lot of poise, to navigate worlds like medicine and entertainment and things. But as Aimee, I didn’t need to do that. All of that conditioning fell off. My character gave me a lot of freedom with that. She taught me that I can have no makeup on my face and have cuts and bruises and still feel beautiful. And this was at a time when I’d not even had my facial feminisation surgery. It was rewarding to play her. What is similar is that there is a toughness for the outside world. You need to stay guarded from the outside world, but there is also a vulnerability and softness which are parts of Aimee and me.
You have navigated two very different worlds, one of medicine and now of acting. In which one did you feel more seen or more acknowledged?
Both worlds make me feel seen and acknowledged in different ways. I have a creative side and a scientific side. When I was in medicine, I felt that the academic and scientific side of me was acknowledged. Of course, there were moments of stigma and prejudice that I faced as a trans person. But my mentors and friends saw me for the academic qualities that I had. But that world did not see my creative qualities as much. It was a little suffocating because being a doctor requires you to dedicate your entire life to it at a very young age. And if you have other passions and interests, then it can start feeling difficult at times. I would thank my fate for bringing me to this side of the world where my creative side feels acknowledged.
How was the shooting experience? Who did you bond with the most?
It was humid. I don’t know why, because we were shooting in December. The weather was quite harsh on us, and we were also shooting a lot of day scenes through noon in harsh sunlight. I remember there were insects everywhere as we were shooting in some fairly rural parts of Goa. But the environment on set was always chill and easygoing. People were having fun and enjoying Goa at the same time. Roshan Matthew was such a wonderful co-actor. He was who I bonded with most because I had most of my scenes with him. He’s a wonderful person and a wonderful actor.
What was your major learning from this series?
Human beings are contradictory. You see how Aimee is at the receiving end of a lot of violence from her boyfriend, but she also defends him. Even though she seems like a free-spirited and open-minded person, she is always protecting this abusive man. At the same time, he also feels for Ashu and has a soft corner for him but sees the manipulation that he’s doing. Humans are complicated and capable of holding all of this within us at the same time.
You often speak about therapy and healing on social media. Did therapy help you change your relationship with yourself?
My greatest learning in therapy has been just an awareness of my patterns. There were ways in which I would behave with certain people. The relationship that I had with my parents looked a certain way for many years. Therapy taught me how to look at my parents as human beings and as flawed human beings and make my peace with that, without blaming them for things that they couldn’t do. It improved my relationship with them. It also helped me set boundaries in romantic relationships, because that’s something I did not know how to do for a long time. It has changed my life completely.
If you could give any advice to your younger self, what would it be?
You have no idea how many amazing things are going to happen to you. And you will not find out unless you stick around. So please stick around. Never give up, no matter what anyone says. And no matter how many people put you down or tell you to feel small, or make you feel like you’re not enough. Never listen to that shit.
If you had the budget and the freedom to tell a story your way without any limits or censorship, what would that story be?
I would create a medical drama set up in a teaching hospital in India. I want to be a protagonist in it, and I also want Milind Soman to play a part in it. I have such a major schoolgirl crush on him. I would love for Konkona to be part of it in some capacity, because I have such respect for her as an actor.
Have you thought about your big screen debut?
I think about it all the time. That’s the goal. At some point, I would like for me and for the world to see me in a leading role in a film in theatres. I wouldn’t say this earlier, but I believe I work hard as an actor when I’m on set. And when I’m off set, I work hard to ensure that I get my parts right, that I’m working on my craft, on my skills and various aspects of my life. Trans actors and artists need to be acknowledged for the work that they’ve put in. So I am manifesting that.
